Don't Look Back
by Alpacca Joe
Summary: <html><head></head>One sibling stands up for another during a vicious rumor, only to discover something quite unexpected. Pre-Esteemsters, T for language. *Chapter 3 revised.*</html>
1. Broken Trust

**Don't Look Back** Part I

The moment Summer Lane walked into Lawndale High, the whispers stopped. She glared around at the students clustered in groups along the congested hall, eyes narrowed in suspicion. After a moment, things returned to normal. Summer walked to her locker, ears pricked for any piece of gossip worth hearing.

Katie ran up while she was entering her combination. Her high-pitched voice was so distracting, Summer had to start over. It took two more tries to get the locker open, and she sill hadn't understood a single word Katie said.

"Alright, alright already!" Summer hushed the girl, and Katie stopped talking immediately. She stood by with that eager smile she had, which meant something worth hearing had fallen into her lap.

Summer finished changing books out i.e., dumping her textbooks and filling her bag with makeup, hair spray and the list of which guys had done her homework for what subjects. She also had a sketchbook and pencils for those rare moments when there was no one to talk to/about.

"Okay, so what's the big deal you had to pop my eardrums squealing about?"

Katie positively vibrated with excitement, her red curls practically shivering with tension as an ecstatic smile split her freckled face.

"It's about your sister!"

All levity immediately vanished from Summer's countenance. Her eyes blue steel, she grabbed Katie's arm and started dragging her down the hall.

"Come on."

**o.o.o**

The door to the unpopular girls bathroom was booted open. Summer glared around the room, making eye contact with each misanthrope.

"**Out.**" The room emptied at once.

Each stall was kicked violently open. Once assured that they were, in fact, alone, Summer turned to her companion-come-captive and pinned her with a dangerous glare.

"_What_did you hear about my sister?"

**o.o.o**

Summer checked her hair, carefully coiffed into an impeccable Flock of Seagulls style, hit it with a cautionary coat of hair spray, then stuffed another piece of Hubba Bubba into her mouth. After checking her teeth for lipstick, she grabbed her backpack off of the sink and unlocked the door. She was gone a moment later.

Katie counted to sixty before coming out of the stall and walking to the sinks. She rinsed her face with cold water, blotted with a paper towel, then carefully reapplied her makeup. Lipstick was easy enough, eyeshadow and mascara a snap. But when she got to eyeliner, her hands were trembling too hard to make a decent line.

_Now you listen to me, and you listen good._

_Summer, what— _

_You didn't hear_ anything _about my sister._

_But, I— _

_Shut it! If anyone asks you, you don't know anything._ They _don't know anything. There's nothing to talk about, 'cause_ _**there's nothing to know.** And if anyone argues or says different, you come to_ me. _Got it?_

Katie took several deep breaths, but her hands continued to shake. She stared at her pale face in the mirror and listened to the late bell ring, green eyes unfocused and glazed with uncertainty.

She never made it to homeroom.

**o.o.o**

Track practice started immediately after school let out, and those on the team would head to the locker rooms to change into their sweats, gym clothes or uniforms. Penny Lane was relieved to be heading out to the track; after a long, strange day of hushed talk and sidelong glances, she was just glad she would no longer have to deal with her idiot classmates and their stupid gossip.

She was just walking across the gym when a voice called to her from beneath the un-collapsed bleachers. Sighing, Penny changed course and headed over to talk to her sister. It would figure that Little Miss Popularity would pull a stunt like this, though how she managed to remain popular with _that_ haircut was a mystery Penny had no interest in solving.

"What is it, Sunny?" Penny dropped her gym bag on the lowest seat and ducked under the stands to find her sister, smoking a Pall Mall and looking bored. "I've got practice in five minutes."

"Practice can wait." Summer dropped her cigarette half-smoked and ground it out with the heel of her shoe. "You hear any of the shit going around today?"

Penny leaned back against the cool wall and shook her head.

"You know I don't listen to any of that crap."

"Well this time around, you're gonna want to listen up."

Penny scoffed. "Sunny, I don't have _time_ for your little popularity games! If I'm late, Morris'll—"

Summer scowled. "This concerns her too, so keep your ass still until I'm done. This is some heavy shit for Lawndale High, even if it _is_ a joke."

"Summer, why would I possibly care?"

Summer pinned her sister with an intense stare, and Penny realized suddenly that her little sister was uncharacteristically serious.

"Lemme ask you this, Penelope Purebred. What kind of _extracurricular activities_ can a track star get into with a gym teacher when no one's around?"

Penny's face blanched until her scarlet lips were the only spot of color. With her red hair framing her face, she looked strangely like a porcelain doll.

Summer nodded, satisfied that the gravity of the situation had registered in her sister's mind.

"I don't know who's behind it yet, I've just been concentrating on squashing all the little gossip bugs whenever I find them." She jabbed a finger at the stunned girl, who was staring straight ahead at the boards that made up the stands around them. "In the meantime, don't do anything that'll add to this shit storm waiting to happen."

Penny came out of her stupor to find Summer gone, a smoldering cigarette the only sign she'd ever been there.

**o.o.o**

Penny was standing at the blocks, pulling her shoulder-length hair into a high ponytail when Craig Stevens walked up and slung an arm around her waist.

"Hey, Candy. What's eating you?"

Penny felt a smile curl her lips at the unintentional pun and gently poked an elbow into Craig s ribs.

"I'm trying to concentrate; if I break 12 seconds in the 100, I get the Girls' Track Record. You know what that means?"

Craig grinned; the corners of his clear blue eyes crinkled, dimples standing out in his cheeks and chin. The breeze ruffled his wavy brown hair and held Penny's attention until it died down.

"Hell, yeah! Trophy number six: the most records held by any student still at Lawndale High!"

Craig took Penny in his arms and the two did a quick waltz around the starting blocks.

Morris blew her whistle, the signal for the runners to get into starting position. Craig relinquished Penny and she tossed him a smirk as she crouched down, a twinkle in her spring-green eyes that had been missing earlier.

"Hasta, corazon!"

Then the starter's pistol cracked, and Penny was gone down the track.

**o.o.o**

Penny was lacing up her boots when she heard a pair of feet pace up to her left. She turned her head to see a couple of her teammates, Irma Wren and Kathy Gifford, standing a few feet away. Penny nodded to them and Irma took a seat on the bench, her gym bag between them.

"So you and Craig seemed pretty cozy out there," Kathy commented as she applied what looked like her sixth coat of mascara, face magnified by a large hand mirror. She had blonde hair teased into a frizzy corona around her head and a nasty personality.

Penny rolled her eyes. "We've been friends since we were three, Kathy. Take a pill."

"Yeah, well we've been _dating_ since—"

"Last month," cut in Irma with a wink at Penny, bright hazel eyes set off by a mane of mahogany hair. Penny smirked at the conspiratorial gesture and finished tying her Docs.

Kathy bristled, face flushing an unflattering pink.

"Craig is mine! Why don't you run off to your little dyke girlfriend if you need your lezzy itch scratched?"

There were quite a few girls on the track team, most of them present to witness this ugly display of hate and jealousy. While Penny was far from a social being, she had many friends within her chosen sport and was not the first female member of the team to be labeled as a lesbian by some rival or other. However, this was the first time the L word had been slung by a comrade.

Irma was the first to react.

Kathy stumbled into the lockers at her back, stunned at the slap that stung her cheek and brought tears to her eyes.

"Take it back, Kathy." Irma stood with hand raised, now clenched into a fist. Penny was a step behind her, eyes blazing with another half dozen track girls ready to back her up.

"It's all over the school!" Kathy cried, threatening hysterics. "'_Everyone's_' talking about you two! It's your own fault for being a stupid—" The air was cut by an earsplitting trill, and the girls turned to see Coach Morris standing in the locker room door with her whistle between her lips. She glared around at her charges, hair pulled into a ponytail with side-swept bangs framing her severe brown eyes.

"Just what the hell is going on in here?" Morris demanded, and when she received no answer marched over to a tall black girl with Jerry curls. "Johnson. Speak."

Leigh Johnson dropped her eyes and shrugged.

"Nothing."

"Nothing?" Morris loomed over the girl like a vengeful god, then swept her eyes over the rest of the girls.

Nothing was the consensus. Disgusted, Morris stepped back and focused her glare on the center of the conflict.

"If there's nothing going on, clear out! Practice is over; you have no business on school property! Lane!" Her voice rang like a gunshot, and Penny's head snapped up on reflex.

"Coach?"

"I want a word."

The locker room emptied out slowly. Penny grabbed her bag and slouched out to Morris's office. She stepped inside, but did not close the door.

The woman, thirty-three years old and showing her years only through the lines around her eyes, watched her student for several long seconds. Her glare softened as she studied the teen, took in the slumped shoulders and averted eyes.

"What's going on, Penny?" Morris leaned over her desk, eyes working to burrow into Penny's mind in search of the source of malaise. "You know you can tell me anything."

Penny did look up, and the guarded quality of her gaze stung the woman at the other end.

"I have to get going," Penny muttered. She slung her bag over her shoulder and walked out of the office, closing the door behind her.

**o.o.o**

By the end of the month, most talk of Penny and Morris as a couple had been forcibly halted by Summer and her crew. The new rumor, which had taken the place of the lesbian gossip, was that Craig Stevens had dumped Kathy Gifford, though it was unclear why. Summer accepted this for the boon it was and concentrated on tracking down the source of the initial slander.

Katie Merrit was her go-to girl for this assignment. The petite redhead could find a niche in any social circle, and had a knack for being somewhere at just the right moment to hear a vital piece of info. Katie had been running herself ragged for days, trying to hear just the right combination of words to set the whole ugly web to unraveling, and at lunch that afternoon she finally got her break.

A smug smile stretched Katie's lips as she slipped out one of the back doors and tottered off to report to Summer.

It seemed cheerleaders were good for something, after all.

**o.o.o**

The track meet was over. Penny had shattered the school record for the Girls 100 meter dash as well as the 100 meter relay. She now held seven records at Lawndale High and was going home with two new trophies to add to her collection. Everyone had gone home by now, but she sat on the bleachers watching the light wear out of the sky. She was alone, and the quiet pressed on her like a weight.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Craig dropped himself onto the bench beside his best friend and bent forward to peek under her bangs. Penny's eyes remained on her feet, but a tiny smile broke through her melancholy. She bumped Craig with her shoulder and shook her head.

"Not funny."

"Come on, gum drop," Craig wheedled and dropped a heavy arm around Penny's shoulders. She grunted, but did not move to displace it. "You've been gloomy for days. I promise if you tell me, you'll feel better."

He ducked his head, hair hanging disarmingly in his eyes as he peered at her, pouting.

"Please?"

"Ugh!" A slim hand flashed out and mushed Craig s face, resulting in laughter and a brief bout of playful tussling. By the time it was over, Penny's head had dropped to Craig's shoulder, eyes closed as he held her.

"This is about those rumors, isn't it?"

Penny felt her face burn and pulled out of the embrace. She averted her eyes, tracing the lines on the track as she struggled not to give herself away.

"Ah." He sat up straighter and pulled his companion closer. "So it s really about..."

Penny turned her head and watched as his eyebrows rose. She dipped her head, hands clenching on her thighs. Craig sighed.

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to; I'll understand. But," His expression was stern, almost brotherly. "If you're really serious about ending it, I'm here for you, lollipop."

A wet chuckle bubbled up in Penny's throat; her head shook slowly in incredulity at her friend's generosity.

"You don't even know what you d be supporting, Superman. How can you be so sure I'd do the right thing?"

Craig grinned, and his eyes lit up like a summer morning. Penny felt her heart contract at the sight, and her melancholy only grew.

"Hey, my lucky Penny's never failed me before!"

She groaned and batted at him, her actions playful, and Craig caught her hand. Her eyes widened when his grip tightened in a squeeze as he pulled her closer, and suddenly he was kissing her. A soft mewling elicited from Penny's throat, and her eyes slipped closed.

The sun set on the couple as they finally came up for air.

"Told you I'd cheer you up," Craig murmured as Penny rested her head on his chest.

"Your pits stink," came her reply.

The laughter that echoed across the campus was as light and free as a swallow soaring across the sky.

**o.o.o**

A satisfied smile split Summer's mouth as she marched across the campus in the direction of the track field. Katie had finally come through for her, and after over two weeks of threats, subtle implications and outright lies the whole matter could finally be dropped.

Kathy Gifford. It all came back to her.

Only an average performer when it came to track, she had felt overshadowed by Penny since sophomore year. Add Kathy's obvious interest in Craig Stevens, and the jealousy she felt about his and Penny's close relationship and BAM!

Kathy was popular, and had friends in a lot of high places. And there was nowhere higher on the food chain in Lawndale High than the cheer leading squad.

Laura Kirk was squad captain, and Kathy's best friend. If a word dropped from those bubblegum-pink lips, it was as good as law around the school.

All rivers flow to the sea, and all branches of the rumor stream led straight back to Kathy and her little crush.

The doors leading out to the track were just slightly ajar, and Summer peeked out before starting forward, that she might stumble onto something worth sharing later.

Penny was arguing with Morris. Their words did not reach where Summer stood, but she frowned at the message their body language was sending her. She stood stock still as she watched Morris reach out and grab Penny's shoulders, her expression pleading as the teen looked away. Penny said something, shook her head and shrugged free of the contact. She had almost escaped when Morris grasped her wrist and pulled her back.

Summer was getting ready to intervene, but something held her back. Expression grim, she pressed closer to the door and watched.

Morris was talking again, Penny shaking her head in agitation or denial. The older woman cupped Penny's cheek with her free hand, turned her face so that their eyes met. Penny's hand stroked the fingers on her skin, then she said something and Morris recoiled. The coach stormed off down the track to the exit at the other end. Penny watched her go, then turned away and started trudging toward the locker room door.

Summer was a storm of shock and fury. Before Penny had made half the distance, the younger girl pushed the door open and stood blocking the way. Penny looked up, surprised, and opened her mouth to speak. She never got the chance.

"You bitch," Summer hissed, hands clenched at her sides. Penny froze. "You fucking little _whore!_"

Penny recoiled at the raw fury of the exclamation, eyes full of shock and confusion.

"I trusted you!" Summer screamed, pointing with fingers clamped around a cigarette long forgotten in the upset. "I fucking defended you left and right, I spent _two weeks_ of my life shutting people up, and the whole time you were fucking that **dyke!**"

The word landed like a blow; Penny staggered as her little sister advanced, features twisted in pain and betrayal.

"I don't even care if you like the crack or the cock, so help me," the enraged blond went on. "But the whole time I was fighting this fucking battle for _you_, it was all true! Everything they said, everything I _denied on your behalf_ was true!"

"It wasn't true!" Penny cried, rigid with indignation and hurt. "I am _not_ a dyke."

"Were you with her?" Penny hesitated, and Summer pounced on the weakness, pointing her smoldering cigarette in the direction Morris had fled. "Were you fucking with her this whole time I was telling people it was a lie?"

As Summer watched, Penny crumpled. Her shoulders slumped, head dropped forward, hands unclenched and fell limp at her sides. It was all the admission she needed.

"I will _never_ defend you again," Summer breathed, backing away not only from her sister, but any relationship they might once have had; the shattered pieces lay at Penny's feet, broken by her own hands.

"Sunny," Penny whispered and Summer flinched as if struck.

"DON'T—" She caught herself, flicked her spent cigarette away and shook her head, bitter gall written into her every feature. "Just don't."

The heavy steel door slammed as Summer made her exit. Penny stood alone on the track, the place that had once been her sanctuary, and suddenly could not bear to spend another moment there. She turned and started running.

Penny ran out of Lawndale High, and once her feet hit the pavement, she kept running. Head down and eyes blinded by tears, Penny ran until darkness claimed her, and she never once looked back.

**.o.o.**


	2. Lost Chances

**Don t Look Back** Part II

Craig paced across the Lane living room, hands raking through thick brown hair in agitation. Summer sat on the couch, watching him with disinterest and stretching a wad of bubble gum with her finger. It was Saturday, just after two pm. The younger kids had gone off to the park for "rain sledding" and Wind, as usual, was gone on one of his usual date-sasters. Of their parents, there was no sign.

"Where the hell could she _be_?" The toe of Craig's sneaker collided with the couch Summer reclined on, but there was barely any force behind the kick. "She disappeared from practice yesterday, never came home last night... she didn't even change out of her gym clothes! Summer, did anything happen?"

The blonde blew a large bubble and let it pop before replying. Her expression was of exquisite boredom, eyes dull and fixed on a point over Craig's shoulder.

"I don't care if she never comes back. The little lying bitch can stay gone. No one will miss her here."

"What are you saying?" Craig's flushed face was a mask of shock; he had known this girl from diapers, and she had never been this cruel. "Sunny, this is Penny we're talking about; not your mom, not your dad your _sister._ What could have possibly happened to—Sunny? What—why are you crying?"

Fat teardrops were sliding down Summer's face, leaving dark streaks of mascara behind them. Her painted lips trembled, eyes a deep, tortured blue as they sought Craig's own.

"P-p-penny... started c-calling me that."

"W-what?"

"Sunny. She k-knew I hated my name, just like she did. So s-she started calling me S-sunny. B-b-because..." Summer choked on a sob, spat the wad of bubble gum into her hand and clenched a fist around it. "She said, when... when I..."

Suddenly Craig was on the couch beside her, wrapping arms around her and cradling her head to his chest. Summer clung to him, sobbing like a little girl who had learned, for the first time, that the world is indeed harsh and cruel.

"She said," Craig murmured into her hair as he rocked her. "That when you're around, everything is brighter. You're her own personal sun."

His eyes were on the window that faced the left side of Howard Drive, though it could not be seen at the moment. The glass was distorted by the constant deluge of the rainstorm that had ensnared Lawndale at the advent of nightfall, and had yet to loosen its grip.

**o.o.o**

Something hit Penny's eyelid, and she began to stir. A moment later, her forehead and the tip of her nose were also struck, and Penny opened her eyes to the beginning of a shower. It was dark, and she did not know where she was. She levered herself into a sitting position with a groan, and a quick look around told her she was in a park. The grass she sat on had been flattened, which told her she had lain there for some time; the darkness confirmed it. Drops fell faster as the storm began in earnest, and when the first thunder crashed in the sky, Penny scuttled back until she hit the trunk of a large tree. Its canopy sheltered her from the worst of the rain, but drops still hit her ever few seconds. Soon her Lawndale High gym tee and shorts were damp with rain water and clung to her, making her shiver. She folded her arms on her knees, rested her chin atop them and sighed.

She remembered now. Morris. Summer. Wanting to get away. She had run with no intention of stopping, aiming for High Hills park and maybe the old, abandoned mansion that sat in the woods behind it. But once she got there, Penny had kept running. She had passed High Hills, Chez Pierre, and the Lawndale Episcopal Church. She had run adjacent to the old landfill and into the woods on the west edge of town where, finally, she had collapsed from exhaustion. The last thing she remembered was the refreshing feel of the cool grass beneath her cheek, and then the lights went out. Penny swallowed, grimacing at the roughness of her dry throat, and held out a cupped hand to collect a few drops of rain. Once she had collected all she could hold, Penny brought her hand to her dry lips and sipped.

Inexplicably, she thought of Craig. The last she had seen of him, he had been walking toward the boys' locker room to change for practice. If no one else, he would have missed her. Tears sprung to her eyes, and Penny stood. She did not want to think about what may or may not have happened in her absence, or what might happen when she returned home. She stepped out from under the tree's shelter and into the cold rain.

_Disappear_, she prayed to the rain as it soaked her skin and numbed her mind. _Just let me disappear_.

Arms held up, as though in supplication, Penny closed her eyes and surrendered herself to the elements. With every drop that hit her body, she imagined another piece of her ceased to be. She did not hear the heartbroken wails that echoed through the trees around her, or even realize that they were her own.

**o.o.o**

Emily Morris stood at her front window, arms crossed, watching the rain fall. Her brown eyes were sad, hair down around her shoulders and reflected in the window glass, she looked no older than eighteen; a teenage girl just suffering her first heart break. It was Saturday evening, the first she had spent alone in nearly two years.

Soft music played in the background; one of the easy listening stations she usually liked to relax to with a glass of wine after a long day. The cold glass chilled her skin through the thin tank top and boxers she wore, but Morris stood her ground. She found herself humming along to the melody of a song that had just began to play, but her throat seized up a moment later as George Michael began to sing.

_You are far, when I could have been your star  
>You listened to people, who scared you to death<br>And from my heart  
>Strange that you were strong enough to even make a start<br>But you'll never find peace of mind, till you listen to your heart_

"Penny," she whispered, and swayed in place to the music. She sang along in a quiet, melodious voice, hugging herself as memories played behind her eyes.

_People, you can never change the way they feel_  
><em> Better let them do just what they will, for they will <em>  
><em>If you let them steal your heart from you <em>  
><em>People, will always make a lover feel a fool <em>  
><em>But you knew I loved you <em>  
><em>We could have shown them all <em>  
><em>We should have seen love through...<em>

Lightning flashed in the sky above Lawndale as Morris relived memories now grown painful, tears mirroring the rain outside as they slid down her cheeks. In the dark, the search for Penny Lane entered its first hour, but the storm was far from over.

_You are far, when I could have been your star_  
><em> You listened to people, who scared you to death <em>  
><em>And from my heart <em>  
><em>Strange that I was wrong enough to think you'd love me too<em>  
><em>I guess you were kissing a fool <em>  
><em>You must have been kissing a fool<em>

**o.o.o**_  
><em>

Penny did not know when she had started walking. It was cold, and still dark, but any amount of time could have passed in the hours between nightfall and dawn. The rain pelted her relentlessly, and though she was frozen to the bone, her eyes and throat burned. She had developed a cough sometime during her journey, and the world swam out of focus every few moments. Still, she pushed forward.

A pair of bright white headlights cut through the darkness, and Penny turned her head to see they were bearing down on her. It took a long moment to realize she was standing in a road, and the headlights pertained to a car that was moments away from running her over.

There was a spray of water and a squealing of tires. Penny found herself on her back, cold rain driving into her face. A moment later, the pain set in.

**o.o.o**

Sunday morning dawned golden and bright. Birds sang as they soared through the forget-me-not sky, and the warm sun worked to dry the puddles left by the rain. In the living room of 111 Howard Drive, Craig Stevens was ignorant of this fair weather. He sat on the Lane couch with hands buried in his hair, elbows on knees as Summer sulked beside him. An Officer McDermott sat across from him in a chair provided by Trent Lane, the second-youngest of the Lane clan. Little Jane was upstairs with her brother, painting a water color with him as her subject.

"I understand your concern," McDermott assured Craig in a fatherly tone. "But we can't rule out the possibility that she's run away. After all, she _is_ eighteen, and there's no evidence of foul play."

"But Penny wouldn't do that!" Craig stood and started pacing again. He had been awake for over twenty four hours and had not been home since the day before. "She's never run away before, and if she was going to just skip town, she would tell me! At the very least, she would take me with her."

The boy abruptly ran out of steam, eyes gleaming with unshed tears. He just stood there, hands trembling, as though he had lost his way.

"Then she would need a reason to stay gone for this long." McDermott took pity on the boy; he stood, parked a hand on Craig's shoulder and steered him back to the couch. "In my experience, no one runs off unless there's a reason they don't want to come home."

Craig turned tired eyes on Summer, who avoided the gaze of both men and stayed stubbornly silent. McDermott ran a hand through his thick black hair, cap long since abandoned.

"Okay, little lady; I know you're hiding something. It's time for you to speak your piece."

"Sunny," Craig whispered, and she turned reluctant eyes on him. "Please."

Tears flooded Summer's bloodshot eyes; she broke.

"It's my fault," she whispered haltingly as the tears claimed her voice. "If I hadn't said what... called her those names, she..."

Summer broke down into sobs again and, at length, Craig managed to coax her into a semblance of cohesive thought.

"We had a fight," Summer grated between hiccups.

"About what?" McDermott was getting a bad feeling about this one; although the search had been going on since the night before, a crucial piece of information had been withheld. If it turned out to be an ugly revelation, the consequences could be severe.

"About her... relationship."

Craig froze. He slowly turned his head until he was facing the girl beside him, who once again avoided his gaze.

"Sunny," he choked out through the hurt. "I... you've wanted us to get together since we were _ten!_ Was there something I did, or—"

"Not you, Superdork," Summer muttered, sinking farther into the sofa. She drew a deep breath, taking no pleasure in the pain she was about to cause. "I was talking about her girlfriend."

"Oh, _shit_," McDermott cursed, dread flooding his stomach and turning the coffee he had drunk on the way over to acid. He un-clipped his walkie and radioed in to the search team. This one was going to be ugly.

Craig stared at Summer, his tired face a mask of shock. The younger girl reached for his hand, either to give comfort or take it, but he pulled away. Myriad emotions skimmed over the surface of his blue eyes, and he climbed to his feet. The door slammed with his exit, and Summer's head fell into her hands.

**o.o.o**

The first thing Penny became aware of was the soft pillow under her head. The next was the pain in her throat and chest, and the pounding behind her eyes. She moaned miserably, and suddenly there was movement to her right.

"I was wonderin' when you'd come 'round," a husky woman's voice accompanied the application of a cool cloth to Penny's hot forehead. As she opened her eyes, a woman with shoulder-length black hair and a broad mouth frowned down at her.

"Am I in the hospital?"

The woman smiled. She was a little on the chubby side, a matronly type of lady dressed in paisley hospital scrubs. A pair of pearl earrings gleamed in the low light. A gold wedding band was the only other piece of jewelry she wore.

"No, honey. I'm Henrietta Johanssen. I work at Cedars, in the E.R., but this is my house you're in. You shuffled out into the road when I was drivin' home last night, and I just missed hittin' you. You fell and bumped your head, but lucky you, no concussion." She whipped out a thermometer and stuck it in Penny's mouth. "You got yourself a nice cold, though. If I didn't find you wanderin' about when I did, you woulda wound up with pneumonia."

Penny glanced shortly around herself, and saw that she was in a teenage girl's room. Posters lined the walls, which were painted a daisy yellow with white trim, and several chairs supported mounds of stuffed animals. A glass-top vanity sat in one corner.

"I'm sorry," Penny muttered around the thermometer. "I didn't mean to take anyone's bed away from them."

Henrietta smiled, though the expression was sad. She busied herself changing one cold wash cloth for another, eyes far away.

"Don't you worry none," she assured in a slightly rougher voice. "No one's slept in that bed in almost two years. You just rest up, now."

A memory flared in the back of Penny's mind, and her green eyes widened. She glanced from the ring on Mrs. Johanssen's finger, to the vanity table where a school picture sat framed beside a Cheer Baton trophy.

"You're Claribell Johanssen's mom."

Henrietta nodded, slowly. The story had been all over the school sophomore year, how the head cheerleader and her father had died in a car crash on the way back from a shopping trip. The running back, Clary s boyfriend, had been driving drunk and collided with their car head-on. No survivors.

"I was working the E.R. that night," Henrietta sighed as she took the thermometer from Penny's lips and checked the temperature. She clucked, shaking her head. "Hun'red and two. I was the first nurse there when they wheeled those gurneys in. I almost didn't recognize my own baby, she was banged up so bad." She turned her dark eyes on Penny, patted her cheek gently. "Whatever problems you got waitin' for you, the only way to face 'em is head on. Believe me, runnin' away don't help. Now, I'm gonna get you some soup. Eat, then rest up some. I'll drive you home later."

Penny watched the woman retreat, then turned her eyes on the photo of "Happy Clary" Johanssen in her cheer uniform. She had chosen the Botanical Bliss backdrop for her picture, and the flowers contrasted nicely against her long, black ponytail and olive skin. She had her mother's smile.

A bunny-shaped clock ticked on the bedside table. Penny closed her eyes.

**o.o.o**

It was evening when Penny stepped out of Mrs. Johanssen's Chevy. She waved as the woman drove off, and a hand popped out of the window and waved back. Penny's fever had gone down, but she would be sick for a few more days, yet. She held the bag containing her gym clothes in one hand, pulled at the off-the-shoulder blouse that had once belonged to Happy Clary. The jeans were a little too tight, but she would be changing out of them soon enough.

The breeze blew her hair up off of her shoulders, and Penny shivered. She double-timed it up the walk, head down and eyes on her shoes to avoid tripping. Another pair of shoes filled her vision, a pair of scuffed work boots she knew well. She looked up, and Craig stared impassively back at her.

"Hey, Sup—"

"Why didn't you tell me you had a girlfriend?"

Penny recoiled, eyes gone wide, and her heart dropped through her feet.

"I'm your best friend, Penny. Whenever anything happens, I'm the one you come to. Why didn't you tell me about this? Don't you trust me?"

"How would you have reacted?" Her voice was hoarse from sickness and emotion, and she trembled where she stood. Only a few feet separated them, but suddenly it felt like a chasm. "If I told you, 'Hey, Craig, I'm fucking Coach Morris!'" Craig jerked, eyes wide, and suddenly there was heat behind Penny's words. "What would you have thought? If I said, 'She pays attention to me, listens when I need someone to bitch to, doesn't go out with _every other girl in the fucking town but me_, no matter how hard I try to get her to notice _me_, look at _me_, love _me_, then calls herself my best friend when she doesn't even notice how much I'm hurting?'"

Craig was staring at the ground, face red and eyes ablaze, as Penny sobbed, a lifetime away.

"You went out with _Kathy Gifford!_ The girl who used to pinch you until you bled and tell tales to get you in trouble when you didn't pay attention to her! You went out with _her_, but never even gave me the time of day!"

"And what was I supposed to do?" Craig cried, hands clenched into fists at his sides. The cords stood out in his neck and his eyes were wet with tears. "You were my best friend! What if it didn't work out, Penny? What if it messed up everything?"

"What if it didn't?" Her voice was quiet, pained, and Craig looked up into her swimming green eyes. "What if it was perfect?"

They faced each other across the walk as the sun fell behind the horizon, and Craig was the first to drop his eyes.

"Now we'll never know."

He turned and ran down the street, and though Penny screamed his name until her voice gave out, he did not look back.

**o.o.o**

Amanda Lane came home to find her eldest child crumpled on the couch, crying her heart out. A rare moment of maternal protectiveness flared, and Amanda dropped her bags. Penny looked up at the feel of soft hands on her arms, and suddenly Amanda was gathering her daughter to her as she had not done since Penny was a child. The girl clung to her mother and cried all the harder, between sobs telling her of Craig's dismissal and the void he had left behind.

"Oh, honey," Amanda sighed as she stroked her daughter's hair. "It's not your fault he doesn't understand."

"But what should I _do?_"

"Think of it this way." Amanda smoothed Penny's bangs back from her brow, troubled at the heat of the girl's skin. "If you hold a butterfly too tightly, you will smother it and it will die. You have to let it go—"

"But what if he doesn't come back?"

Amanda kissed Penny, right on the tip of her nose; something she had not done since the girl was a toddler.

"Then he was never really yours, sweetie. And as much as it hurts, you can't live in the past."

"Don't look back," Penny whispered, and the tears took her again.

Mother and daughter stayed on the couch, comforting and being comforted, until the tears ran dry.

**.o.o.**


	3. Full Circle

**Don t Look Back** Part III

Penny stood at the podium, looking out over the sea of students she had spent so many years among. In her hand was a diploma, and an athletic award sat on the wood. She was expected to give a speech, to thank everyone who had helped her along and carried her to this point. Her eyes found Craig, and he stared back impassively from his seat. Penny looked away; she had expected nothing less.

Sometime after she had returned to school, word had gotten out about her affair with Coach Morris. She did not find out who had let it slip, but it was irrelevant. The whole school was abuzz, but Penny no longer heard their words. When called to the office by the principal, she had been interviewed by a member of child protective services. Every question asked was answered with a lie, and when the social worker asked where the rumor had come from in the first place, Penny's answer was a simple one.

"Kathy Gifford."

Though no one believed Penny's story, there was no way to prove that she and her track coach had had an affair. She was sentenced to a one-month in-school suspension for 'instigating an unpleasant incident,' Kathy Gifford expelled for slandering the name of one of Lawndale High's revered staff and Coach Morris took a short leave of absence.

Those twenty-odd days of punishment were borne stoically. Students, some Penny had formerly called friends, berated the girl with insults and slurs at every opportunity. It was very rare that any physical abuse was attempted, but more often than not, Craig stepped in and aborted the attempts before they could properly get underway. Still, Penny found tacks pushed through the insoles of her gym shoes; on more than one occasion her street clothes were stolen and either thrown in the dumpster behind the cafeteria or, once, flown up the flagpole. At the end of her first week of suspension, Penny arrived at her locker to find **DYKE** spray-painted across the dull metal in glaring scarlet letters.

It was later found that the perpetrator was, in fact, Laura Kirk: head cheerleader and Kathy Gifford's best friend. The subsequent expulsion was also laid at Penny's feet, and the harassment only got worse after that.

Somehow, it had all come to bare on Penny's shoulders. And so she became a pariah, even after the matter was dropped.

She had remained on the track team, continued to win trophy after trophy at every event. But it no longer meant anything to her.

What good was victory, with no one to celebrate with?

Penny glared dispassionately at her fellows, grabbed her award and shot the assemblage the bird, double-barreled.

"Fuck you all."

With the shouts and shocked exclamations ringing around her, Penny walked out and did not look back.

**o.o.o**

She was just shoving the last of her things in her rucksack when a tentative knock came at the door. Penny looked up, expecting to see Summer—their shaky truce had ended with graduation, and Penny had no illusions of ever going back to the relationship they had once taken for granted—but was shocked to see Jane standing there.

The little black-haired girl frowned at the backpack sitting on Penny's mattress, twisted her small hands together and looked her oldest sister in the eye.

"You're going away?"

Penny hesitated, then went back to packing. "Yeah."

"When are you coming back?"

There was a long pause as the redhead attempted to zip the pack closed, but it defied her. "I don't know, Janey."

"Penny?"

"Yeah?"

"I'll miss you."

A tear came unexpected to the older girl's eye at the sound of the lump in Jane's voice. Turning, Penny held her arms out for the little girl who ran into the embrace and hugged for all she was worth.

After a few minutes the two separated, and Penny gazed down at the small girl with sad eyes.

"You'll be a good girl, won't you?"

Jane glanced at Penny sidelong. "Do I have to?"

They shared a laugh, and Penny tweaked Jane's nose affectionately.

"That's my Janey-bug." A thought came to her then, and she reached into her open pack and removed a small cylinder. "I probably won't be back for a little while, so I want to give you this now."

Jane held out her small hand, and was surprised to be given a tube of lipstick. It was fresh, never used, and Jane cracked the seal with a paint-grimed thumbnail. It was a shade of scarlet, one of Jane's favorite colors.

"I can have this?" Jane's blue eyes were wide with awe, and Penny found herself smiling.

"I won't need it where I'm going, and a girl should always have a good red lipstick." Penny ruffled her sister's hair and stood. As she balanced out her things, she flashed back on when she and Trent had taught Jane to walk, when Summer had first cut the little girl's hair after an unfortunate experience with a pack of bubble gum, the fifth-birthday party when all of the older kids—even Wind—had saved up their money to throw Jane a party she would never forget. In hindsight, the chimp on the tricycle had been a bad idea, but at least it was memorable.

Finally, Jane's first day of school. Penny had been late herself that day, as she and Trent had taken time out to escort Jane and stay with her until she was settled. They had practically raised the little girl to this point, how could she just leave—

A door slammed downstairs, and a deep voice called out, "I'm home!"

Vincent was back.

Penny finished zipping and buckling her pack and slung it over her shoulder. As she turned to face Jane for the last time, her eye was drawn to the award she had received at graduation earlier that day. She picked it up, studied the running figure and read the engraved words on the base. She handed the statue to Jane, who hefted it with a look of puzzlement.

"Make me proud, Janey-bug."

She leaned down and planted a kiss on Jane's forehead, then walked out of the room and down the stairs. Vincent smiled benignly at the girl on her way out.

"Penny! Where're you off to?"

"Dominican Republic," she replied shortly.

"They have wonderful beaches there. Have fun!"

The door slammed with her exit, and Penny Lane was not seen on that continent again for a decade.

**o.o.o**

The years passed with Penny jumping from country to country and province to province. Though she would call to check in on her siblings from time to time, she never turned sails for home; after all, 'home is where the heart is'—and Penny's heart had been ripped out long ago.

In putting her past behind her, Penny tried to find romance in her wanderings. She ran through lovers like a DJ changes songs; none lasted. It seemed neither men nor women could keep her interest for long.

Then one day, when she was in Peru making bread at a market stall, a young man with copper skin and eyes the color of a new sky engaged her in conversation. He introduced himself as Manuel, a student from Argentina. The two clicked right away, and by the end of the month, they were married.

It lasted exactly three months.

Coming home from the market after a long day, Penny stumbled into their small house with an armful of groceries. She made a quick, light dinner then walked through the few rooms in search of her husband. Penny found him in their bedroom, wrapped in the milky arms of a Mormon missionary. The boy looked to be no older than sixteen.

The next week, Penny was on her way to Guatemala.

Finally, the ill-timed eruption of a volcano forced Penny to return to the states, and the stay was not pleasant with the whole of the Lane clan returning at the same time. After another brief absence, Penny made her way to Lawndale in the summer of her youngest sibling's high school graduation. She brought with her a gift from Ecuador, a hand-woven poncho in shades of sunset, which she carried to the house wrapped in a carpet she had made while in Costa Rica. When she knocked at the door, there was no reply, and so she tried the knob to find it unlocked. With a philosophical shrug, she entered.

There was a large pile of mail spilling over from the coffee table onto the floor, and a brief search found an envelope addressed to her. The return label bore the name of Craig Stevens. Penny felt a small, painful spasm in the vicinity of her chest as she opened the letter and found it to be a wedding invitation.

A quick search through the pile found quite a few letters from Craig, many of them spanning the previous two or three years. It seemed he and Irma Cruz—formerly Wren; she had changed to her mother's maiden name before leaving for college—had gone to the same college and ended up dating. Their wedding had taken place a few weeks prior, and the invitation was the latest in a long campaign to mend fences. With a sigh, Penny gathered up the letters and shoved them into a pocket. That was a mess that could be sorted out later.

Upstairs, Penny dropped the package on Jane's bed, and turned to dump her pack before finding something to eat. She stopped short when something on Jane's computer desk caught her eye. It was an old gold-toned statue on a faux-marble base. The words **ATHLETIC EXCELLENCE** sat above _Penny Lane_ and her graduating year. Penny reached out a hand and touched a trembling finger to the figure's head. It was surrounded by a few trophies with Jane's name etched into the base, and Penny found a tear trembling on her eyelashes as she recalled the last words she had spoken to her sister all those years ago.

_Make me proud, Janey-bug_, she had said. And so Jane had.

Penny dumped her clothes out of her pack, changed into shorts and a tee shirt and went for a run. Although she had not intended to, she found herself at Lawndale High watching the summer school kids go through PE drills. They were being forced to jump hurdles and run the 500 meter in the blazing summer sun. Penny smiled at the sight, lost in fond memories, until she saw the gym teacher raise a bullhorn and start shouting for the teens to move faster.

Emily Morris pushed her charges to the limit, then called for them to hit the showers. Grateful groans were her only reply.

Penny found herself transfixed as she watched Morris move about the field, gathering hurdles and stacking them by the gym door. The woman stopped to stretch her lower back, and Penny's traitor feet began to move. Before she was fully aware of it, she found herself standing behind the woman.

"Need some help?"

Morris turned with a grateful smile, then froze. Scenes played behind her brown eyes, no less severe than Penny remembered, though now lined with age.

"Penny?"

Penny shrugged self-consciously and smiled.

"Hi, Em."

Myriad emotions moved across Morris's face, but in the end she settled on a mix of anger and relief. Tears flooded down her cheeks as Penny took her hand and kissed the palm gently.

"I thought you..." Morris sobbed, breathless with emotion. "I'd never..."

"Shhh." Penny shook her head, dismissing their unfortunate past and all the pain it had caused them both. "Don't look back."

Under the relentless summer sun, the former lovers fell into each others' arms. Morris sobbed softly, and though Penny's tears were silent they were no less fervent. Soon the tears gave way to laughter and Penny, now the taller of the two, turned Morris's chin upward and claimed those well-remembered lips in a gentle kiss.

The lovers made their way home after falling into their old routine of tidying and stowing equipment, and when they left the school that late afternoon, neither of them looked back.

That kiss was the first of many the two of them would share over the years, years they would spend blissfully together after a lifetime apart.

**End.**


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